Your relationship with your manager shapes your day-to-day experience, your growth, and your career trajectory.
When it's good: you get support when you need it, feedback that helps you improve, and advocacy for your career. When it's bad: you're confused about expectations, surprised by performance feedback, and stuck without sponsorship.
"Managing up" sounds political. It's not. It's about understanding your manager's perspective and communicating in ways that make the relationship work for both of you.
Understanding Your Manager's World
Start by understanding that your manager has a job too—and it's not just managing you.
Your PM manager is probably:
- •Managing multiple PMs (you're one of several)
- •Responsible for outcomes across a broader area
- •Dealing with executives and their priorities
- •Navigating organizational politics
- •Being evaluated on their team's collective output
What they need from you:
- •To trust that you've got your area handled
- •To not be surprised by problems
- •To look good to their leadership
- •Clear, efficient communication
- •You to own your growth, not just wait for coaching
Understanding these needs helps you work with them more effectively.
Communication That Works
Proactive > Reactive
Don't wait for your manager to ask for updates. Provide them before they need to.
Weekly summaries: Send a brief weekly update. What you accomplished, what you're working on, any blockers or risks. Two paragraphs max.
Early warnings: If something's going wrong—a project is slipping, a stakeholder is upset, a launch is at risk—tell them early. The earlier they know, the more they can help.
Decisions you made: Keep them informed about significant calls you're making. Not for permission, but for awareness.
Most managers' biggest complaint about their reports: "I wish they'd tell me things before they become problems."
Know Their Preferred Mode
Some managers want frequent touchpoints. Some want to be left alone unless there's a problem.
Ask directly: "How much visibility do you want into my work? Do you prefer I bring decisions to you, or update you after?"
Then adapt to their style, not yours.
Come with Recommendations
Don't come with just problems. Come with problems and your recommended solution.
Bad: "There's a conflict between engineering and design on the checkout project."
Good: "There's a conflict between engineering and design on checkout. I've met with both leads and here's my recommendation for how to resolve it. I wanted to run it by you before I finalize."
This shows ownership and makes your manager's job easier.
Getting Useful Feedback
Most managers are bad at giving feedback. Not because they don't care, but because feedback is hard and awkward.
Make it easier:
Ask specific questions. Not "how am I doing?" but "What's one thing I could do better in stakeholder presentations?" or "Where do you see me being most effective vs. struggling?"
Ask in 1:1s, not reviews. Don't wait for formal reviews. Get feedback regularly so there are no surprises.
When you get feedback, listen. Don't get defensive. Don't explain why they're wrong. Thank them, ask clarifying questions, and actually consider it.
Follow up. After getting feedback, show you're working on it. "You mentioned I was over-explaining in exec meetings. I've been practicing being more concise—have you noticed any improvement?"
When You Disagree
You won't always agree with your manager. That's fine—healthy, even. What matters is how you handle it.
First, make sure you understand. "I want to make sure I understand your thinking. Is the concern X or Y?"
Second, share your perspective. "I see it differently. Here's why..."
Third, be willing to commit even if you disagree. "I still think my approach is better, but I understand you want to go this direction. I'll make it work."
Fourth, know when to escalate—and when not to. If the disagreement is fundamental and you've made your case clearly, sometimes you need to let it go. Other times, it's worth escalating. Use judgment.
The goal is respectful disagreement that leads to better decisions, not conflict that poisons the relationship.
Managing Expectations
Your manager has expectations of you. Some are explicit, some aren't.
Ask about expectations directly. "What does 'exceeds expectations' look like for someone at my level? What would concern you about my performance?"
Check in on those expectations. Mid-quarter, ask: "How am I tracking against what you expected? Any gaps I should address?"
If expectations are unclear, clarify them. Don't operate on assumptions about what matters.
Making Your Manager Look Good
This sounds political but it's practical: when your manager looks good, you benefit.
Give credit. When you present wins, acknowledge their support. "Thanks to [manager] for helping unblock the engineering resource."
Be prepared. Before any meeting where your manager will be judged based on your work, make sure your work is solid.
Anticipate their needs. If they're presenting to executives next week and you own relevant data, send it before they ask.
None of this is sucking up. It's being a good teammate.
When It's Not Working
Sometimes the relationship doesn't work. Signs of trouble:
- •Constant misalignment on priorities
- •Feedback that feels unfair or inconsistent
- •Being excluded from important conversations
- •Career stagnation without clear reasons
What to try:
Direct conversation. "I want to make sure we're working well together. Is there anything I could be doing differently?"
Explicit asks. "I'd like to be included in the roadmap discussion. Is that possible?"
Check yourself. Is the problem genuinely them, or might you be contributing?
If nothing improves:
Document concerns. Not to build a case, but to think clearly about what's wrong.
Consider talking to skip-level. If your manager's manager is accessible, a careful conversation might help. But be careful—this can backfire.
Consider leaving. Sometimes the relationship isn't fixable. If it's impeding your growth or making you miserable, it might be time to move on.
The Long Game
Managing up isn't a one-time fix. It's an ongoing relationship that requires attention.
The best manager relationships feel like partnerships: you're both working toward shared goals, with mutual respect and trust. That doesn't happen automatically—it requires investment from both sides.
Put in the investment. It pays dividends for years.
Related reading: Stakeholder Management and PM Communication Skills.